A-Z Mass Effect Trilogy
by Megan Hahn
Summary: An A-Z poem about the Mass Effect games. Updated version.


**Ashley-** that one chick I regret not saving, not because I like her, but because Kaidan is a bitch, no matter how much you like him, you have to admit he is a whiny ass bitch

 **Brooks-** that one bitch who is a bitch

 **Citadel-** that one place which is the location of Shepard's favorite store...not sure that makes sense, but oh well, don't overthink it, but let's be honest, why would you ever buy anything when you can just find it, I mean use some common sense

 **Diana Allers-** that one lady who lived on my ship for most of the time I played the game and never got acknowledged, I'm the best host ever, Commander Shepard, party thrower, conqueror of death, all around bad ass, dick to reporters, and most importantly, ignorer of people named Diana, with a resume like that, I'm sure everyone would want to hire me

 **EDI-** that one sexbot we all pretend totally isn't a sexbot, I bet the Illusive Man did her

 **Feros-** that one place where Creepers run free, come to see our beautiful skyline and bridges, stay because you're probably dead or mind washed

 **Garrus-** that one Turian who is my best buddy and I wish I had romanced, story time, I romanced Kaidan my first playthrough and let me just tell you something, I can't cheat on anyone, even video game characters, so I'm stuck with Kaidan to the ends of the universe, yay for me (that was sarcasm)

 **Husk-** that one guy I thought just wanted a hug, but ended up wanting to shock me, he hurt my feelings and my nerves, I now have nerve damage

 **Ilium-** that one place that's pretty, good enough, I'm too tired for anything better, maybe I should stop doing these so late, that could probably help

 **Joker-** perfection, I am breaking my own rule for him, and that's okay, actually I take it back, as much as I love him, he is the reason I died, so...mostly perfect

 **Kaidan-** that one guy I seriously hate, I hate him so much, let me explain, he gets mad at you in the second game because you died, it's not like that was on my bucket list or anything, and he also gets mad at you for not calling or emailing him after you came back from the dead, I'm sorry babe, but I was busy, you know with saving the universe, but the next time I come back to life, you'll be the first person I tell the news to, and he also gets mad at you if you build a relationship with someone else, I mean not only were you dead and he started dating other people, he told you that he didn't want to and couldn't be with you, how is it my fault, he was the one who told me we were through and people say that girls are complicated, I agree, they are, but so is Kaidan

 **Legion-** that one unit that has a soul

 **Miranda-** that one chick who I really wanted to push out of the airlock, too bad Javik wasn't there to agree with me, I mean I liked her butt and that's about it, oh, we could have cut off her butt, framed it and then pushed her out

 **Noveria-** that one place that is too cold for me, fuck the cold

 **Omega** \- that one place that is basically Vegas and Chicago in space and I'm down with that

 **Peak 15-** that one place where you can meet the mother of your girlfriend, PS, it doesn't go too well, quick question about that, does killing your girlfriend's mother make things more awkward in the relationship, just curious

 **Quarian-** that one race of humanoids that have very cool accents, seriously, why can't I have a cool accent like them, it's not fair

 **Rachni-** that one species of insects whose main skill involved getting captured, good on them

 **Samantha Traynor-** that one lady who also saved the universe, well her voice actresses did, well the character her voice actress did, just go with it

 **Thane-** that one guy who I will never forget, I will always remember how he kept Troy Baker from stabbing me, what a dick

 **Undina-** that one guy who thinks this poem is an outrage, he's probably right

 **Virmire-** that one place that has a beautiful ocean, oh Wrex can also die there and you have to choose between Kaidan and Ashley, but those take backseat to the ocean

 **Wrex-** that one Krogan that has a special place in my heart for a very sad reason, though he survived in the game, my dog I named after him didn't, we had him for two weeks before he died of cancer, so even though it makes me sad, I'll always remember my dog because of him, I'm sorry, that was sad

 **Xawin-** that one planet that I got attacked by a Thresher Maw on, because obviously having a nice, casual road trip isn't on my agenda

 **Yahg-** that one race of creatures really enjoy smashing into things, I wonder why that is, I bet they have anger problems, I feel like we'd get along well, but we don't, because they try to kill me, that makes me sad, I just want to be friends

 **Zaeed-** that one guy who is basically the equivalent of Fenris in my Dragon Age experience, he disagrees with absolutely everything I do, difference is I didn't kill Zaeed

* * *

 **Ignorer is a word, trust me, I read it in a dictionary once, it would have been the Urban Dictionary, but close enough. I wonder if it's actually in there, if it's not, someone should go add it for me. If you actually do add it, that would make you my friend, if for some reason you actually do add it, please notify me.**

 **I finally finished these, you have no idea how long that too, I have no idea how long that took, but hey, at least I did finish it, I should get props for that. A little update, I'm planning to starting on working the my A-Z Fallout 4, so you should keep an eye out for that if it interests you.**

 **Have a great day and if you have any comment or suggestions or anything else, feel free to PM me. Thanks!**


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